In 2005, same-sex marriage wasn’t legal anywhere in the United States except in Massachusetts, but it was legal in Canada. So Jeff and I had two weddings – a ceremonial wedding, complete with reception, dinner, and dancing, in Mesa, Arizona, on Saturday, August 13, and a legal wedding in Vancouver, British Columbia, on Thursday, August 18.
We planned our Mesa wedding for almost a year before the event. I listed all the tasks with their due dates, such as selecting a venue, a wedding cake baker, a florist, our invitations, and our wardrobe, and tracked them to completion in an Excel spreadsheet.
Planning a wedding together is a test for any engaged couple. For us, it went smoothly. We had no trouble agreeing upon a venue, a menu, a guest list, our outfits, etc. Same-sex weddings were uncommon then, so we had little to refer to in the way of role models. That gave us more freedom to make choices that suited us rather than adhering to customs. I think we did a great job.
After touring some of the area’s more luxurious, high-end, and expensive resorts, we visited the Windemere Hotel and Conference Center. A friend of ours who was a DJ and had played at wedding venues all over town recommended it. It was located in an older, unattractive part of Mesa. As we drove there, we asked ourselves if this was even worth checking out. But we did, and we were glad. The facility was quite nice and the event manager was a joy to work with (and also gay). We liked the options we were offered for tablecloth and napkin colors, table centerpieces, and room décor, and the vibe of the place appealed to us. We knew that with a gay event manager, we probably wouldn’t run into any homophobia from the staff. (We didn’t – they were great). It was considerably less expensive than the fashionable, upscale places we visited and we felt it was a much better value.
We did a few unique things I’m proud of. I concocted a special drink for the occasion and named it “the Prickly Pair.” It was a slushy lemonade with raspberry rum, Amaretto, triple sec, and Prickly Pear syrup. We ordered souvenir glasses engraved with our names, the date, and the same graphic we used on our wedding invitation. We asked the photographer to take pictures of us with every person or couple who attended. We put those pictures in cardboard frames and sent them to the attendees with their thank-you notes.
It was a wonderful wedding. 75 people showed up, including Charlotte and Cole, John and Juanita, my niece Suzanne and her fiancé (now husband) Bobby, and some of my friends from Washington, DC. We treated all the out-of-town guests to lunch on the wedding day to thank them for traveling and to ensure we could spend more time with them.
Same-sex marriage was a political wedge issue at that time. An anti-equality marriage amendment would be on the Arizona ballot in 2006 and people were already talking about it. A local TV channel contacted us the day before our wedding, asking if they could send a camera crew to record it. We thought about it. On the one hand, we wanted to do whatever we could to advance the cause of marriage equality. On the other, we didn’t want our wedding to become a media circus. We already hired a photographer and videographer, so an additional crew would have been in the way. We had not advised our guests that TV cameras would be present and some might have objected. It would have been a significant distraction, so we said no.
We’re glad we hired a professional videographer to capture the day, rather than rely on a friend with a camcorder. We received a nice, professionally produced video. We’re glad we can watch our ceremony whenever we want to, which we do on some anniversaries. It’s also nice to see our guests dancing and talking, rather than just seeing still pictures of them. We hired a professional photographer who was not in the wedding photography business. Wedding photographers can be expensive. We didn’t want a fancy, frilly wedding album loaded with enhanced effects and decorations. We simply wanted pictures. Our guy delivered.
We hired a small company to handle the arrangements for our Canadian wedding. During the years when same-sex marriage was legal in Canada but not in most of the US, many couples in the US traveled to Canada to get married. Two lesbians and a gay man recognized a good business opportunity and launched a wedding business called Two Dears and a Queer.
They were wonderful! On the day of our wedding, Darryl picked us up at our hotel and drove us to the government office to get our marriage license. Then he drove us to Queen Elizabeth Park. Anne, one of the two Dears, was there with our officiant, a small table, cupcakes, and champagne. It was a beautiful ceremony on a perfect day with just the five of us in a beautiful rose garden. Darryl and Anne served as our witnesses and took pictures. They recommended a lovely restaurant nearby with a spectacular view of downtown Vancouver, where we enjoyed a delicious, extravagant wedding dinner.
After enjoying five days in Vancouver, we boarded an Atlantis cruise to Alaska for our honeymoon.
